Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
