we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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