The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
