they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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