I'm eating all of the evidence.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
