wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
