Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
