Michael Bay diarrhea
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
