I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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