It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
