would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
