their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
