God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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