so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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