ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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