you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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