I met the friendliest cop last night
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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