dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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