Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
