i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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