Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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