everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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