So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
