Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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