I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
