You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
