He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
