So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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