Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
