I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
