Screwed.edu
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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