after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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