The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
