Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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