my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
