I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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