I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
