When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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