we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
