maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
