I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
