honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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