one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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