I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
