My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
