I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
