hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
not ubering you a puppy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
