i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
