The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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