Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
