why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
