Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
