I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
