The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do vagina's smell?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
