Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
