I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
