Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize