Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
