I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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