You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
