Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
