OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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