Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
