why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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